regretted so much

im sorry, i really hate myself now.
i never regretted on anything before in my life, but this is the very first time i regret so much.
i really didnt expect everything will end up like that.
i hate myself, for so stubborn, for being nervous.
i hate myself for not nodding my head for the last second.

im sorry, i damn regret now.
when the clock strike 12am at that moment, i almost cried.
i really hope everything can go back to that moment and i will definitely say yes i want to be your girlfriend.

i caused you to lose, i caused to lose between you and the fate.
i sorry, i really didnt expected.
i really hope someone can kill me right now..

i will never forget how much you fight for the last 10 seconds.

120909
i will remember 5.15am you bring me to see the sunrise.
i will remember how much you struggle to stay awake when you going to drunk at any moment.
i will remember every words you said during that 2hours.
i will remember that we go down the beach and played with the stones.
i will remember that you take off your clothes and pass it to me just because you scared i cold.
i will remember im the first person that you helped to massage.
i will remember the first mac breakfast we had.
i will remember the sentence you said "although i very fierce but i very gentle" after something happened.
i will remember you feeding me your big breakfast.
i will remember how you tried to make me laughed when both of us were like zombie.
i will remember how you tried to make a space for me in a room so that i able to sleep.
i will remember the way you look at me when i were sleeping.
i will remember that i asked you lied down beside me when you were so tired.
i will remember of you elbowing my face when you fall asleep.
i will remember the moment when we wake up in the noon, you hold my hand and said that you will never let go of me.
i will remember every promises you have make during that moment.
i will remember the way you grab my hand and sleep like a baby.
i will remember that you gave me a kiss on my forehead.
i will remember that you gave me a quick kiss on my face and said goodnight.
i will remember that you were trying to cover me with blanket for almost every minutes.
i will remember the expression on your face when your friend came and disturb us.
i will remember how you talked secrets in my ears.
i will remember that i followed you whenever you go in the chalet.
i will remember that im the first one who helped you to make ah kun.
i will remember that we were counting down to 10pm every hour.
i will remember that you tried to hold my hand whenever there are chances.
i will remember that you feed me with bbq food, stuffing me with food and more food.
i will remember that i keep on giving you orange and more orange to drink.
i will remember that the expression you had when they trick you with the magic candles.
i will remember 11.30pm when you came and asked me for the answer.
i will remember for the last few minutes, i feed you with the chocolate that i made for you.
i will remember how much you fight for the last 10 seconds.
i will remember when you asked me out to talk.
i will remember the way you look into my eyes with disappointment.
i will remember how much you asked me not to forget you, not to forget this day.
i will remember that you gave me a kiss on my lip.
i will remember that you wanted to take photo with me.
i will remember that the two photos taken i were forcing myself to smile.
i will remember that deep inside my heart i were so sad, so regret.
i will remember that you tried to hang on when you almost drunk.
i will remember that im the only one in the chalet who dont know what's your fate will be.
i will remember that how much i tried to tahan just to watch you sleeping for three hours.
i will remember that the next morning you asked me to sleep beside you for just a few minutes.
i will remember that you asked jj to pass me $10 when i lost my $6.


i sorry for everything. i very regret.
i went mia for one hour in the next morning is because i got my reason.

the moment when 12am strike, i started to regret.
i dont understand.
i started to hate that our fate are predestined.
i really dont know why my clock were set wrongly, i dont know why at that moment i didnt catched what's your fate were.

i really dont understand why you wanted to admit you lose?
i really hate myself.
there's answer is in my heart already, why why why at the last 10 seconds i didnt nod my head?
things wont be ending up like that.


why fate are controlling us? why cant we control our fate.
i used to prefer that our fate are predestined, but now i dread of it.
i dread of hearing what's our fate lied ahead, i rather not to know.

120909 will be the happiest yet the saddest day in my life.
thanks, thank for keeping your promises and do what you say.
sorry, i sorry for disappointing you.

trust me, i will wait for you.
i will prove to you.
i will support you in your career and strive hard for it.
one more year
120910.
i dont want to regret anymore, i dont want to lose you.